The Zompist Phrasebook in Chinese

By Mark Rosenfelder

Many thanks to Peter, he of the elided last name, who kindly translated this page!

The author and translator disclaim all responsibility for the results of use of these expressions under field conditions. Use in a well-ventilated area. Do not expose to open flame. No user-serviceable parts inside. If swallowed, do not induce vomiting.

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General Expressions

I wish to complain.
Wo3 yao4 tou2su4.
我要投诉。

It's better in the States.
Zai4 mei3guo2 geng4 hao3.
在美国更好。

How much is that in real money?
Na4ge yong4 zhen1de huo4bi4 duo1shao qian2?
那个用真的货币多少钱？

Don't you speak English?
Ni3 zen3me bu4 dong3 ying1yü3?
你怎么不懂英语？

At the hotel

Do all your maids smoke?
Ni3men de fu2wu4yüan2 dou1 chou1yan1 ma?
你们的服务员都抽烟吗？

I'm coming you silly runt!
Wo3 lai2le, ni3 zhe4ge4 xiao3 ben4dan4.
我来了，你这个小笨蛋。

How do I get Letterman?
Wo3 zen3me shou1 Le4te4man4?
我怎么收勒特曼？

If you go to the USA, you'll find that a dime is a lot of money.
Ru2guo3 ni3 qü4 mei3guo2, ni3 hui4 fa1xian4 yi1 mao2 qian2 ye3 bu4shao3.
如果你去美国，你会发现一毛钱也不少。

There's a corpse on the bed. Please change the sheets.
Chuang2shang4 you3 shi1ti3, qing3 huan4 yi2xia4 chuang2dan1.
床上有尸体，请换一下床单。

The bellboy won't score me any coke.
Fu2wu4yüan2 bu4 ken3 bang1 wo3 nong4 diar3 ke3ka3yin1
服务员不肯帮我弄点儿可卡因。

Making friends

Just a small glass, please
Jiu4 gei3 wo3 yi1 xiao3 bei1.
就给我一小杯。

My God, I didn't mean microscopic!
Wo3 de tian1 a, wo3 mei3 shuo1 na4me xiao3！
我的天啊，我没说那么小！

Has your nose always been that way?
Ni3 de bi2zi yi4zhi2 shi4 zhe4yang4 ma?
你的鼻子一直是这样吗？

I understand your language perfectly.
Wo3 shuo1 pu3tong1hua4 xiang4 he1zui4 de gao1li2 bang4zi.
我说普通话象喝醉的高丽棒子。

I may be drunk, but tomorrow morning I shall be sober, and you will still be ugly.
Wo3 sui1ran2 he1 zui4le, ke3shi4 ming2tian1 wo3 hui4 qing1xing3, er2 ni3 hai2 shi4 zhe4me chou3.
我虽然喝醉了，可是明天我会清醒而你是还这么丑。

So you've been to _____? You must know my Aunt Meredith.
Ni3 qü4guo _______? Ni3 ken3ding4 ren4shi wo3de yi2ma1 Meredith.
你去过———？你肯定认识我的姨妈Meredith.

Stupid uncultured lout.
Mei2 wen2hua4 de xiao3 liu2mang2.
没文化的小流氓。

Did your face get that way in the war?
Ni3 de lian3 shi4 zai4 zhan4zheng1 bian4cheng2 zhe4yang4 de ma?
你的脸是在战争变成这样的吗?

Don't "imperialist pig" me, my good man.
Ni3 xiao3zi, bie2 gen1 wo3 lai2 na4 "di4guo2zhu3yi4" de gou3 pi4!
你小子，别跟我来那"帝国主义"的狗屁！

I would very much like to meet you again when you are sober.
Wo3 hen3 xiang3 zai4ci4 gen1 ni4 jian4mian4, dang1 ni3 mei2 he1 zui4 de shi2hou.
我很想再次跟你见面，当你没喝醉的时候。

No, I've always enjoyed simple-minded ethnic humor.
Mei2you3, wo3 yi4zhi2 xi3huan1 di1ji2 de zhong3zu2zhu3yi4 you1mo4.
没有，我一直喜欢低级的种族主义幽默。

That's not all! I have two more photo albums!
Hai2 you3 ne! Wo4 hai2 you3 liang3 tao4 xiang4bu4!
还有呢！我还有两套相簿！

Did you hear the one about the Korean guy who called the travel agency and asked, "I want to know how long it takes to fly from here to Seoul," and the receptionist says, "Just a minute", and the Korean guy says, "Thanks, goodbye."?
Ni3 ting1shuo1guo4 zhe4ge xiao4hua4 ma? Yi1ge4 Han2guo2ren2 wen4 lü3xing2she4 dao4 Han4cheng2 zuo4 fei1ji1 xü1yao4 duo1chang2 shi2jian1, ran2hou4 qian2tai2 xiao3jie3 shuo1 "Yi1 fen1 zhong1, xian1sheng", Han2guo2ren2 jiu4 shuo1 "Xie4xie4, bai1bai1".
你听说过这个笑话吗？一个韩国人问旅行社到汉城坐飞机需要多长时间，然后前台小姐说"一分钟, 先生"，韩国人就说"谢谢，拜掰"。

Do you have highways in your country?
Ni3men guo2jia1 you3 gao1su4gong1lu4 ma?
你们国家有高速公路吗？

A little romance

I love you, will you marry me?
Wo3 ai4 ni3, gen1 wo3 jie2hun1 ba!
我爱你，跟我结婚吧！

Girls with big mazongas usually can't rhumba so well.
Da4 mi1mi de nü3hair2, yi1ban1 tiao4 rhumba tiao4de bu4 hao3.
大咪咪的女孩儿，一般跳 rhumba 跳得不好。

You're very pretty for a foreigner.
Zuo4 wei2 wai4guo2ren2 lai2 shuo1, ni3 hen3 piao4liang4.
做为外国人来说，你很漂亮。

Kiss me, you fool.
sha3gua1, wen3 wo3!
傻瓜，吻我。

All right, all right, let's meet your parents.
Hao3le hao3le, wo3men qü4 jian4 ni3de fu4mu3 ba.
好了好了，我们去见你的父母吧。

Your mascara is peeling.
Ni3de hua4zhuang1 diao4 le.
你的化妆掉了。

That has got to be silicone.
Na4 liang3 ge4 ken3ding4 shi4 gui1jiao1.
那两个肯定是硅胶。

I've never thought that 'impotent' means you can't have a good time.
Wo3 cong2lai2 mei2you3 ren4wei2, "yang3wei3" jiu4 yi4wei4zhe bu4 neng2 guo4 ba3 yin3.
我从来没有认为,"阳痿"就意味着不能过把隐。

I admire you above all for your purity of spirit and your appreciation of the arts.
Gen1 wo3 hui2 wo3de lü3guan3 wan2 ba.
跟我回我的旅馆玩吧.

Sightseeing

What a stench.
Zhen1 chou4.
真臭。

Is this the way to Tiananmen Square?
Zhe4bian1 shi4bu2shi4 Tian1an1men2 Guang3chang3?
这边是不是天安门广场?

Where can I find the dissidents?
Kang4yi4 fen4zi3 zai4 nar3?
抗议分子在哪儿?

Is that Notre Dame or the Louvre?
Na4 shi4 Sheng4 Mu3 jiao4tang2 hai2shi4 lu2wei2er3 bo2wu4guan3?
那是圣母教堂还是鲁委尔博物馆？

Back home we'd call this a village.
Zai4 wo3men nar4, wo3men guan3 zhe4 zhong3 di4fang1 jiao4zuo4 cun1zi.
在我们那儿, 我们管这种地方叫做村子。

Your country has such lovely dirt.
Ni3men1 guo2jia1 de tu3 zhen1 mei3 a!
你们国家的土真美啊!

I don't suppose there's anything but temples here.
Zhe4li3, chu2le miao4 yi3wai4, bu1 hui4 you3 bie2 de dong1xi ma?
这里, 除了庙以外, 不会有别的东西吗?

I bet those machine guns are fake.
Wo3 gan3 da3du3, na4 xie1 ji1guan1qiang1 shi4 jia3 de.
我敢打赌，那些机关枪是假的。

Are all your jails this filthy?
Ni3men de jian1yü4 dou1 zhe4me zang1 ma?
你们的监狱都这么脏吗?

Yessir, you folks certainly have made a mess of this country.
Mei2 cuo4, ni3men zhen1de ba3 zhe4ge guo2jia1 nong4de yi1tuan2 zao1 le.
没错，你们真的把这个国家弄得一团糟了。

You wouldn't have these ghettoes if your people were willing to work.
Ru2guo3 ni3men de ren2min2 yuan4yi4 gan4huor2, ni3men jiu4 bu4hui4 you3 zhe4xie1 po4lan4 de di4fang1.
如果你们的人民愿意干活儿，你们就不会有这些破烂的地方。

Could I see some merchandise that the rats haven't found?
Neng2bu4neng2 kan4 yi1xie1 mei2you3 bei4 lao3shu3 yao3 de dong1xi?
能不能看一些没有被老鼠咬的东西?

It's nothing compared to our shopping centers.
Zhe4 gen1ben3 bu4 neng2 gen1 wo3men de shang1chang3 bi3.
这根本不能跟我们的商场比。

Travel

Follow that car!
Gen1zhe na4 liang4 che1!
跟着那辆车!

Slow down, you cretin!
Ni3 sha3 bi1, man4 yi1 diar3!
你傻X, 慢一点儿!

My wife fell overboard about ten miles back.
Wo3 de lao3po2 diao4 xia4 lai2 le, da4gai4 shi2 gong1li3 yi3 qian2.
我的老婆掉下来了，大概十公里以前。

Make sure my seat isn't next to any Koreans.
Wo3 bu2yao4 gen1 Gao1li2 bang4zi zuo4 zai4 yi4qi3!
我不要跟高丽棒子坐在一起！

Is this tin can insured?
Zhe4 ge4 po4 che1 you3 bao3xian3 ma?
这个破车有保险吗？

Where can I rent a camel?
Wo3 zai4 nar3 ke3yi3 zu1 yi1 tou2 luo4tuo?
我在哪儿可以租一头骆驼？

Officer, this is an outrage!
Jing3guan1, zhe4 tai4 guo4 fen4 le.
警官，这太过分了。

How about a little contribution to the Policeman's Ball?
Duo1shao3 qian2?
多少钱?

I'm a personal friend to the ambassador.
Wo3 shi4 zhu4hua2 da4shi3 de peng2you.
我是驻华大使的朋友。

Oh sure, you're going to shoot me, right?
O4, ni3 yao4 da3si3 wo3, dui4 ma?!
哦，你要打死我，对吗？！

Understanding directions.

Yonder. Hither and thither.
Na4bian1. Zhe4bian1, na4bian1.
那边。这边，那边。

Down the street. Around the block. Past the river.
Wang4 hui2 zou3. Chuan1 guo4 hu2tong kou3. Xiao3 xin1 yi1 diar3.
往回走。穿过胡同口。小心一点儿。

Across the bridge. Two blocks down. Go that way.
Guo4 ma3lu4, zuo4 yao1yao1ling2. Wang4 dong1 zou3.
过马路，做一一零。往东走。

Where is the Cathedral?
Wo3 zai4 nar3 ke3yi3 zhao3dao4 xiao3jie3 an4mo2?
请问，在哪儿可以找到小姐按摩？

I know I'm naked, could you just tell me how to get back to the hotel?
Wo3 zhi1dao4 wo3 yi1 si1 bu4 gua4, ni3 jiu4 gao4su wo3 hui2 fan4dian4 zen3me zou3, hao3 ma?
我知道我一丝不挂，你就告诉我回饭店怎么走，好吗？

I must compliment you on your understanding of our language.
Ta1 ma1 de, ni3 shen2me ye3 mei2 dong3, dui4 ma?
他妈的，你什么也没懂，对吗？

This is the third time I've told you, so listen up this time.
Wo3 shuo1 guo4 san1 ci4 le, zhe4 ci4 zhu4 yi4 yi1 diar3.
我说过三次了，这次注意点儿。

At the restaurant

One order of ferme le mercredi, please.
Lai2 yi1 pan2 zhou1san1 xiu1xi!
来一盘周三休息!

Two beers please. --Two beers for me too.
Lai2 liang3 ping2 pi2jiu3. --Wo3 ye3 lai2 liang3 ping2 pi2jiu3.
来两瓶啤酒。--我也来两瓶啤酒。

I'm sorry, we don't serve tourists here.
Dui4 bu4 qi3, wo3men zhe4li bu4 jie1dai4 lü3you2zhe3.
对不起, 我们这里不接待旅游者。

Could I have some CLEAN water?
Neng2 lai2 yi1 dian3 GAN1JING4 de shui3 ma?
能来一点干净的水吗?

Can I have fries with that?
Zai4 jia1shang4 yi1 bao1 shu3tiao2.
再加上一包薯条。

Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Fu2wu4yuan2, wo3 de tang1 li3 you3 cang1ying2.
服务员，我的汤里有苍蝇。

You call this beer?
Zhe4 ni3men jiao4 pi2jiu3 ma?
这你们叫啤酒吗?

Stop laughing and bring me the bill.
Bie2 xiao4 le, gei3 wo3 mai3 dan1.
别笑了，给我买单。

I know I ate it, but I didn't order it.
Wo3 zhi1dao wo3 chi1 le ta1, dan4 shi4 wo3 mei2 yao4.
我知道我吃了它，但是我没要。

Intellectual Exchanges

Impressed as I am with the New Wave in cinematography, I must say that this particular film seemed both pretentious and unsatisfying, and that the director's imagery, though compelling, is no substitute for a true cinematic message.
Zhe4 gou3pi4 dian4ying3 jian3zhi2 mei2fa3 kan4.
这狗屁电影简直没法看。

Well you see, we thought at the time that a limited engagement in Vietnam was necessary to prevent the rise of Soviet communism.
Wo3men gao3 cuo4 le.
我们搞错了。

I just don't know what Charles saw in that horse-faced girl.
Wo3 jiu4 bu4 zhi1dao Cha2er3si dui4 na4ge chou3 xiao3 ya1 xi1han2 shen2me.
我就不知道查尔斯对那个丑小鸭希罕什么。

Have you ever considered that WE might be insulted because YOU haven't learned English?
Ni3 you3mei2you3 kao3lü4 guo, yin1wei4 ni3men mei2you xue2xi2 Ying1yu3, wo3men ye3 ke3neng2 hui4 jüe2de bu4 gao1xing4?
你有没有考虑过，因为你们没有学习英语，我们也可能会觉得不高兴？

If I died tonight I'd be saved but you would burn in hell.
Ru2guo3 jin1tian1 wan3shang4 si3le, wo3 hui4 shang4 tian1tang2 er2 ni3 zai4 di4yu4 shao1zhe ne.
如果今天晚上死了，我会上天堂而你在地域烧着呢。

Has there been any real intellectual life in your country since Lu Xun?
Zi4cong2 Lu3 Xün4 yi3lai2, ni3men guo2jia1 chu1guo zhen1de zhi1shi2fen4zi ma?
自从鲁迅以来，你们国家出过真的知识分子吗？

Special Internet Section

So far as I can see, Heinlein is just a second-rate Ayn Rand.
Cong2 wo3de kan4fa3, Heinlein zhi3buguo4 shi4 yi1ge4 er4 shou3 de Ayn Rand.
从我的看法，Heinlein 只不过是一个二手的 Ayn Rand。

I don't normally read this newsgroup, so please email me.
wo3 hen3shao3 kan4 zhe4ge xin1wen2zu3, qing3 yong4 email fang1shi4 yü3 wo3 lian2xi4.
我很少看这个新闻组，请用 email 方式与我联系。

Do you want to MAKE MONEY FAST?????
Ni3 xiang3 ZHUAN4 QIAN2 MA?????
你想赚钱吗?????

Anyone can see that these ___ are just subhumans who can't find their own ass with a roadmap.
Shei2 dou1 zhi1dao, zhe4 xie1 ____ zhi3 shi4 bai2chi1, gei3 ta1men di4tu2 ye3 zhao3budao4 zi4ji3 de pi4gu3.
谁都知道，这些___只是白痴，给他们地图也找不到自己的屁股。

You're wasting bandwidth.
Ni3 lang4fei4le wang3luo4 zi1yuan2.
你浪费了网络资源。

If you got flamed, it's because you deserved it.
Ru2guo3 ni3 ai2 shao1le, na4 shi4 ni3 huo2gai1.
如果你挨烧了，那是你活该。

Die, rat bastard.
Ni3 qü4 si3 ba, wang2ba1dan4.
你去死吧，王八蛋。

We kicked your ass in World War II.
Zi4cong2 Er2zhan4 yi3lai2, wo3men guo2shi4 ri4jian4 shuai1tui4, er2 wo3 zi4ji3 jiu4 shi4 yi1 ge4 li4zi.
自从二战以来，我们国势日见衰退，而我自己就是一个例子。

Learn to read, monkey boy.
Shou4 hou2 xiao3zi3, qü4 xue2xi2 ren4shi zi4!
瘦猴小子，去学习认识字！

Qool, dude!
Zhen1 ku4!
真酷!

Can we declare this thread officially dead?
Neng2 ba3 zhe4ge yü3si1 zheng4shi4 xüan1bu4 si3wang2 ma?
能把这个语丝正式宣布死亡吗?

I don't know if this is a troll or you're just stupid.
Wo3 bu4 zhi1dao4 shi4 zai4 diao4yü2 hai2shi4 zhi3 shi4 bai2chi1.
我不知道你是在钓鱼还是只是白痴。

Website under construction. Soon to be updated!!!
Ci3 wang3zhan4 xiu1jian4 zhong1, ji2jiang1 geng1xin1!!!
此网站修建中，即将更新!!!

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