no, not max, this is tieboy The Night We Cloned Tieboy

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What do you do when a piano falls on tieboy? Clone him, of course! A #spinnwebe log from June 2, 2000.

Complicating and confusing things, Mrs. Dodge was about to have a baby, and, sensing tampering in his domain, God dropped by.

The performers were, I underline, working entirely without a safety net. By the way, in case it's not clear (and how could it not be clear?), the clone is named tieboy-- the original ends up being tieboy2.

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Falling piano zone!

<sol-d> I really belong under the piano, and not in the discussions
    tieboy politely lifts the piano
    Bryan begins playing Maple Leaf Rag
    zompist tosses an iron skillet at tie, to see if he can hold both that and the piano.
<Lots42> Air Force One has a piano, according to the Perfect Dark Nintendo game.
    tieboy then remembers he's a weakling and collapses in agony
<sol-d> now look what you've done! you're wrecked the piano!
<zompist> to say nothing of tie.
<sol-d> tie is replaceable
<Bryan> pianos are forever?
    zompist removes the skillet from tie's abdomen and tries to disengage tie from piano parts.
<Lots42> Sol is forever.
<sol-d> exactly
<Lots42> There Can Be Only One Sol.
<zompist> is this thing a white key or a vertebra?
<sol-d> let me see that
<sol-d> vertebra
<Bryan> Hit it. If it crunches, it's a vertebra
<Lots42> But it plays such a great C note!

The tieboy ingredient list

<tieboy> am I replaceable?
    *** tieboy2 has joined #spinnwebe
<sol-d> sure, we can clone you, tie
<mdxi> fuck. last week was Canadian Hax0r Week. is this week gonna be East Asian Hax0rs?
    Lots42 gets out the oven cleaner and the microwave bowl.
<zompist> they have h&x0rz in canada?
<Lots42> They have computers in canada?
<zompist> i thought it was just maple syrup and shit.
<sol-d> we can rebuild him. bigger, stronger, faster.. the KING OF SPAIN
<zompist> moose shit.
<Lots42> Apparently this is the Tie Boy Ingredient List.
<Bryan> Kilted Yaksmen
<tieboy2> yeah, but you know the whole copy of a copy thing
    Lots42 stirs in moose shit and kilted yaksmen
<TheDodge> Uh oh
    *** TheDodge is now known as DodgeAlert
<DodgeAlert> We are in a labor standby...please stay tuned
    Lots42 drops in polaroids of old vacations and some cat hair.
<TMR> oh boy.
<TMR> Preparing to birth here?
<Lots42> Preparing To Clone Tieboy
    Bryan hides under the remnants of the piano, amid scattered vertebrae
<DodgeAlert> We could be, someone in my house is throwing around the word "mucus plug" and it ain't me, for a change
<tieboy2> o/ send in the clones... o/
    Lots42 leaves the bowl outside to catch some bugs and rain.
<zompist> wait, then what do we do with this guy?
<sol-d> throw him in the wood chipper, perhaps?
<Lots42> Tieboy 2 is a genetic imposterior
    Lots42 hides in the machine gun nest.
<DodgeAlert> Clear some room under the piano, I'm going in
<zompist> there's nothing under the piano now but broken keys and tie bones, dodge.
<mdxi> and even that is more "amongst" the piano
    Bryan scoots over
<tieboy2> can you do something about my complexion when you clone me?
<Lots42> Cat hair is supposed to be illustrious and stuff.
    zompist throws a pineapple into the mixture.
<zompist> the noriega look is very in, tie.
    Lots42 fires randomly into the ceiling and pretends the plaster is snow.
<Lots42> I hate Florida.
<Bryan> I hate plaster snow
<Lots42> Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. Rattatatatatatatat!
<sol-d> I'm allergic to plaster
    sol-D takes cover under the piano lid
<DodgeAlert> All right... Everything seems to be cool, MrsDodge is eating a poptart...negative...a Toaster Streudel
    Lots42 blows out the sun roof
    zompist starts up some of those scary-looking electrical machines from frankenstein
    Bryan grips the B-flat wire tightly in hands, creeps up behind Lots
<sol-d> what flavour strudel? dodge, this is very important...
    Lots42 flees into the kitchen.
<zompist> toaster-flavored, he said.
    Bryan pursues
    mdxi scrolls the channel 35.2 km to the left, out from under the falling plaster
<tieboy2> is this gonna hurt?
<zompist> you just intermingled yourself with a piano, and you're grousing about a mere cloning?
    Lots42 quickly coats self with vegemite
<DodgeAlert> Strawberry...repeat....strawberry!
    zompist sharpens the knives and heats up the iron rods.
<zompist> of course it won't hurt.
<sol-d> it's clear!
<tieboy2> thanks, i feel better
<DodgeAlert> Tell SAC to scramble the bombers...and take us to BabyCon 3
    Bryan stares at vegemite-covered Lots and backs out slowly
    Lots42 watches the lights flicker
    sol-D hands zomp a lime-jello soaked sponge
<sol-d> you forgot this
<zompist> thanks, sol.
    zompist assembles the ingredients in a vague tie shape on the moveable slab.
<tieboy2> does it take long? Will I be up and about quickly?
<Bryan> Did anyone remember the nine volt battery?
<zompist> can we start the lightning storm, someone?
    Lots42 silently regrets the naked Reno polaroids put in the mixture.
    Bryan begins flying a kite
<tieboy2> just scuff your feet a few times
    Lots42 flicks the lights on and off
    sol-D runs outside in the rain, with a lightning rod
    DodgeAlert rubs a cat while wearing a sweater
<tieboy2> i don't have much energy really
    Bryan plans a picnic, insuring bad weather
    Lots42 runs out, showers, changes, runs back and in and hides in conversation pit.

Something goes terribly wrong

<zompist> when i was at medical school they laughed at me! "you'll never clone a tieboy out of garden scraps!" but look at them now!
<zompist> all embroiled in malpractice suits and hmos!
<zompist> they said i was crazy! HAHAHASDHFAHFHDHAHHAHAHAHHHSAHHAAH!!
<DodgeAlert> Yeah, and don't forget how that dude at Radio Shack was dissing you
<zompist> is that the laugh of a crazy person?
<sol-d> uhm, no
<Lots42> The dudes at the Radio Shack dis everyone.
    *** tieboy3 has joined #spinnwebe>
<tieboy3> pop!
<DodgeAlert> Well, you were doing all right until your laugh had "F"'s in it
<sol-d> It's Alive!
<tieboy2> so what do i do with the new guy?
<mdxi> insane laughter traditionally begins with "MUA"
<zompist> i need ops for this.
    *** MrLuke sets mode: +o zompist
    Les_Miz falls asleep
    Lots42 silently sneaks up and decorates Les_Miz with tinsel and garden hose
    *** tieboy4 has joined #spinnwebe
<tieboy4> ploonk!
<tieboy3> um
<zompist> goddammit, we don't even have lightning yet.
    *** tieboy3 was kicked by zompist
    *** tieboy3 has joined #spinnwebe
    *** tieboy4 was kicked by zompist
    *** tieboy4 has joined #spinnwebe
    *** tieboy2 was kicked by zompist
    *** tieboy2 has joined #spinnwebe
    *** tieboy4 was kicked by zompist
    *** tieboy4 has joined #spinnwebe
    *** Tieboy5 has joined #spinnwebe
<tieboy2> they're eager is all
    Lots42 goes to the movies, ensuring rain
<Les_Miz> hey, it's the tieboys!
    Tieboy5 drools on self
    zompist listens as the sky thunders, a bit late.
<sol-d> the new boy band sensation!
<sol-d> tieboy!
    mdxi hits his TTL
    Tieboy5 hides from loud sky noises
<zompist> er, shall we start the process which, uh, seems to be kind of well underway?
<tieboy2> damn, #5 is a dud
    Tieboy5 sucks thumb
<tieboy2> er, yeah
<tieboy3> i'll leave til you're ready
    *** tieboy3 has left #spinnwebe
<tieboy4> me too
    *** tieboy4 has left #spinnwebe
<zompist> awfully kind of y'all.
    Tieboy5 slouches after 3 and 4
    *** Tieboy5 has left #spinnwebe
<sol-d> hooray!
    zompist cranks up the rheostats and put on some alan parsons project.
    *** zompist2 has joined #spinnwebe
<zompist2> oops
    *** zompist2 has left #spinnwebe
    *** DodgeAlert is now known as TheDodge
<sol-d> dear god, just keep lots away from the machine
    sol-D grabs lots and stuffs him in her freezer
<sol-d> don't want 50 of these suckers running around
    Lots42 presses random buttons. On the microwave.
<Bryan> Dodge, has the toaster streudel situation been successfully resolved?
<zompist> anything we do now is going to be anticlimactic, i think.
<BabyCon3> Do not be alarmed, just follow all BabyCon3 procedure
<Lots42> mmmph mmmpph mmph! Mmm cherry.
<TheDodge> We have not had to escalate to cherry

The clone appears! Also, God.

    *** GOD has joined #spinnwebe
    *** tieboy has joined #spinnwebe
<Lots42> God!
<GOD> Is someone tampering with My domain?
<Lots42> Yes. ::points wildly::
<tieboy> daddy!
<zompist> er, that would be...
<zompist> all of us!
<zompist> group hug!
<Bryan> God. Where the hell ya been?
<Bryan> I could've used your help on my neuroscience exam today
<TheDodge> Shit, oughta drop by here more often
<TheDodge> The Right Reverend Dodge thing alone should have incurred your wrath
<Lots42> I think the problem is with a time machine. Someone brought the clones back to the point before they were cloned.
    *** MrLuke sets mode: +o GOD
    Lots42 group hugs a teddy and a drunk stranger
<zompist> we need to test the clone, here.
<zompist> tieboy: write humorous essays about temping!
<GOD> Please, don't encourage him
<TheDodge> But let's face it, the Wrath of God kinda pales next to a pissed off poet
<tieboy> i'm an uncle temping temper, yes i am... i temped your uncle just the other day!
<Lots42> Well, it's apparent we've already cloned Tie without actually starting the process. Who knew?
    Lots42 goes back to firing at the ceiling.
<zompist> tieboy: say something disrespectful about mr. ben!
<TheDodge> First off, if you're gonna clone a spinnoff, why in the hell would it be tie
    GOD goes to surf for porn
<Lots42> Why not?
<Bryan> Lots, it was abiogenesis. Simply mixing the ingredients and allowing them to stand at IRC temperature for a few minutes was all it took
<TheDodge> Other than, "It's his only chance at reproduction"
<GOD> Yeah, no shit
<Lots42> I wanted lightning!
<sol-d> he was mortally wounded
<tieboy> I can't think of anything.
    Bryan shoots lightning out of ass
    Lots42 wonders at what porn gets God off.
<TheDodge> What is IRC temperature?
<Lots42> Aaaah! Ass Lightning!
    sol-D is still holding the lightning rod
    GOD shoots some lightning around
    sol-D fries
<GOD> Oh, sorry
<TheDodge> 0 Kelvin
<Bryan> I was gonna say 'room temperature' but that didn't seem appropriate
<TMR> He likes octopus porn
    Lots42 retrieves the bowl of ingredients from the porch and starts dipping chips in it.
    zompist takes the lightning rod and applies a few thousand volts to tieboy.
<tieboy> yowzers!
<tieboy2> Ew. He's made out of vegetables
<tieboy> Hey, don't dis your grandmother.
<Lots42> God is made out of veggies.
    *** MrLuke sets mode: +o tieboy2
    *** GOD was kicked by tieboy2 (I always wanted to do this)
    *** GOD has joined #spinnwebe
<TheDodge> Can god create a channel he can't kick himself from?
    Lots42 slaps GOD around a bit with a large trout
<Lots42> I think Spinn is God.
<TheDodge> Then you are a fool
<zompist> the fool says in his heart, there is no spinn.
    tieboy needs a smoke
<GOD> I'd let you into heaven now, if it weren't for your chronic masturbation habits
    Bryan tugs on God's robe
<tieboy2> Hey, tieboy?
<tieboy> Yowzuh?
    Bryan tugs harder on God's robe, trying to pull it off
<tieboy2> I don't think we would say "yowza".
<tieboy> Sorry, previous avatar, sir.
<Lots42> Naked God.
    sol-D grimaces

<tieboy> I should say, rather, pip pip! eh what?
    Lots42 fires at God with AK47.
<Lots42> Is god bulletproof?
<tieboy2> tie, looking at you, I realize our butt is not that nice after all
<sol-d> I read a story once, where god died, and his body crashed into the ocean. People ended up eating his corpse
<Lots42> God tastes like frog legs.
<GOD> The author is in a "special" place now
<Bryan> BBQ Deity
    TheDodge loads his AK25(base16) to fire at god
<sol-d> Michael Moorcock, nooooo!
<Lots42> GOD QUAKE
<TheDodge> Michael Splitcock....nooooo!
    tieboy presents hindquarters *squeak squeak* /nicks tiebutt
<GOD> Can we swap days at work next week?
<GOD> er
<Bryan> You want a day other than Sunday off?
<TheDodge> I don't want your job God, you only get Sundays off
<GOD> Um, no, I was speaking for tieboy for some reason

Family spat

    *** Jesus has joined #spinnwebe
<Jesus> Hello, Dad!
    *** TheDodge is now known as RevDodge
<RevDodge> I tol' y'all this was gonna happen one day
<RevDodge> But you wouldn't listen to me!
<tieboy2> Can we swap days at work next week?
<tieboy> OK, you get the days, I'll take the nights.
    *** HolyGhost has joined #spinnwebe
<tieboy2> Even my clone is fucking me over
<GOD> Oh, shit. Where the fuck have you been?
<Jesus> Cruising with the angles!
<Jesus> angels!
<Jesus> Shit, i think i turned too much water into wine.
<GOD> Next time I have you nailed to a cross, stay there
<tieboy> I thought for a moment he said "with the ankles".
<tieboy2> dipshit
<HolyGhost> God, you can't speak to Jesus but through me
<Jesus> Mom's pissed about that cross thing, you know.
<BabyCon3> We have a downgrade order from HQ
<BabyCon3> We're taking 'er back down to BabyCon4
    *** BabyCon3 is now known as BabyCon4
<HolyGhost> I want out of the whole trinity, guys
<HolyGhost> Always get shafted
    Jesus fixes the pillow.
    Jesus fixes the piano.
<RevDodge> I want in
    zompist deals dodge a hand.
<HolyGhost> Dodge, feel free
<GOD> I'm off to bed
<zompist> god sleeps?
<GOD> Got a lot of smiting to do tomorrow
<TMR> Goodnight, GOD.
<Jesus> HolyGhost you still owe me a thousand dollars.
<HolyGhost> Does God have feet?
<TMR> GOD wanks, I imagine.
<GOD> a *LOT* of smiting.
    *** GOD has quit IRC (Napster Bad!)
<TMR> And GOD has really big feet.
<RevDodge> It'll be cool
<RevDodge> Father, Son, TheDodge
<Jesus> God has stinky feet. He keeps them on the couch while watching Baywatch
<zompist> god hates napster? ...what a wanker!
    Jesus merges with RevDodge
<Jesus> God has Diety Porn in his dresser.
    *** RevDodge is now known as MessiahDodge
    HolyGhost hands Jesus/RevDodge sack of thousand gold dollar coins
    *** tieboy2 sets mode: +o tieboy
<HolyGhost> There, ya fuckin ingrate
<MessiahDodge> A thousand pieces of gold?
    *** MessiahDodge is now known as Judas
<HolyGhost> Who let you do the whole water/wine trick
    Judas kisses Jesus
<zompist> deities deal in currency?
    *** HolyGhost is now known as Romans
<Judas> See ya round, sucker!
<Jesus> Whee! Beer and cheese and Yanni At The Aprocolips!
    *** Judas is now known as Pilate
    Romans Charges at Jesus
<Pilate> Nail 'em
    *** Pilate is now known as TheDodge
    *** TMR is now known as Mahir
<Mahir> Jesus! I KISS YOU!
    *** Mahir is now known as TMR
    Romans nods to Jesus
    Jesus turns Romans into tiny little bugs and stomps on them.
    *** Romans is now known as tinylittlebugs
<TheDodge> Hey, y'all make sure we get adjoining suites in hell
<tinylittlebugs> ouch!
<tinylittlebugs> ouch, dammit, quit it
    Jesus turns zaps tinylittlebugs with ineffectual store bought bug killer.
    tinylittlebugs coalesces into one giant bug

The clones get close

<tieboy2> hey, tie, what do you think of zompist?
<tieboy> Zompist? What can you say about someone who can't find the caps key?
<tieboy2> I imagine all sorts of nasty things
<tieboy> I know you do.
    tieboy shares a special moment with tieboy2.

<tieboy2> don't touch me there
<tieboy> But it's me there.
<tieboy2> don't touch us there
<Jesus> Eww! Self-Incest!
    *** tinylittlebugs is now known as BigGoddamnBug
<BigGoddamnBug> Gonna stomp me now, cross boy?
    Jesus conjures up crazy aboriginies who eat bugs.

<BigGoddamnBug> I'm a Kafkaesque nightmare. No aborigines scare me
<tieboy> Well, when you think about it, masturbation is a homosexual act.
<tieboy> So, when you meet yourself, why not go all out?
<tieboy2> gotta point there
<Jesus> When I whack off I change my semen into beer.
<Jesus> No sin there!
<TMR> Pale ale?
    BigGoddamnBug spits digestive juices onto aborigines
<tieboy2> and WHAT a point
<Jesus> Tap The Rockies!
    BigGoddamnBug sucks up remnants
<tieboy> of course, we could argue for hours over who bottoms.
<BigGoddamnBug> Just flip a coin
    Jesus throws sharpened cross at the BigGoddamnBug

<BigGoddamnBug> ouch    *** BigGoddamnBug is now known as Bryan
    Bryan returns to original form for final death scene
<tieboy2> Sigh. I'll bottom. You never want to try anything new, do you?
    Jesus summons JesusZord.
<Jesus> Wait. Too late.
<Bryan> argh! oh the humanity!
    Jesus performs Mepozian Happy Dance.
    Bryan wipes sweat from brow
<Bryan> Jesus, how 'bout hitting me with some wine?
<tieboy> Well, clones never really reach the full potential of the originals.
<tieboy> People don't like clones, really.
<tieboy> It's the big red noses, I think.
<Bryan> Clones shouldn't drink so much
<tieboy2> At least you have an excuse
    Jesus changes all the water in Bryan's body into wine.
<tieboy2> Just the other day, Mom said "Why aren't you doing more? It's not like you're a clone."
<Bryan> hmmm
<Bryan> Wow.
<tieboy> Mom always liked you best.
<Bryan> Now that's an interesting physiological problem. All the water is now ethanol
<Bryan> Which I assume can readily dissolve across the cell membrane
<tieboy2> No, she likes our sister best. What's her name again?
<Jesus> Shirley
<TMR> Mary Magdalene.
<tieboy> especially since she spat you out and I was assembled by unholy means out of random crap arranged on a slab.
<tieboy> Unfair of her, really.
    *** Bryan is now known as Kemlo
<tieboy2> Yeah, she gave my imaginary friend more props then she does you.
<tieboy> Your imaginary friend? Ha!
<tieboy> You should hear what he says about you.
<tieboy2> Have you seen him lately?
<Jesus> I named my imaginary friend Satan. People took it a little too seriously.
<TheDodge> Any catholics here tonite?
<TheDodge> I need a favor
    tieboy remembers that he was created about half an hour ago.
<Kemlo> But since ALL of the water was changed to ethanol, there wouldn't necessarily be any net movement
<Kemlo> The sudden change from a highly polar substance to only a moderately polar substance, though, would radically alter the environment which all of the enzymatic proteins were operating.
<Kemlo> Which would probably render them completely functionless
<Jesus> Those dancers in the Gap ads are the embodiment of All Evil. They rule Hell.
<Kemlo> Which would result in immediate, radical central neuropathy. And Instintaneous death.
<zompist> You need someone to drive to the hospital pronto, Dodge?
<TheDodge> I want to test some military regulations, so, when JPII kicks it, I need to be elected Pope. I need to find out if that would preclude my military service
<TheDodge> The chaplain I talked to didn't share my enthusiasm for the experiment
    *** Kemlo is now known as deadBryan
    Jesus does a Lazurus on deadBryan.
<tieboy2> I don't belong to a religion. And neither do I.
<tieboy> That was my line.
<TheDodge> Whose line is it, anyway?
<tieboy> Fucking originals think they can speak for us.
<Jesus> I'll talk with dad when he wakes up, see what I can do for you Dodge.
    *** deadBryan is now known as Bryan
<Bryan> Thanks, Jesus
<zompist> is the vatican considered an allied government?
    tieboy2 claims clone as a dependent
<tieboy> Can I have an alliance?
<tieboy> DAMMIT! allowance?
<TheDodge> Yes
<TheDodge> Vatican City enjoys the same protection we would afford Switzerland, should they ask
<TheDodge> Or any other non-aligned nation
<Bryan> I don't think the chocolate is as good in Vatican City, though
<tieboy2> whatever change you can find in the couch
<zompist> i mean, can you serve in the government of a neutral country?
    TheDodge hacks a few systems and declares the United States as allied with Tieboyland
<tieboy> Considering all the time you spend there, should be quite sufficient.
<Bryan> Tieboyland?
<TheDodge> It's cool, I just edited Thailand's profile
<zompist> population 2 and growing!
<Bryan> Sounds like a sick Billy Blank home workout video
<Jesus> Jesus is tired. Jesus is going to take a blue pill and go to sleep.
    *** Jesus has quit IRC (Leaving)
<TMR> Jesus is a pill freak?
<Bryan> wouldn't you be?
<Bryan> Crucifixion is fucking traumatic
<tieboy2> Oh, like you can talk
<tieboy> And I don't waste half my time on irc.
<TheDodge> Every Sunday people eat his body and drink his blood, and they do this because they LIKE him
<TheDodge> Imagine what people who don't like him would do
<zompist> it was his idea!
<Bryan> And talk about the neglect issues that boy has. Never met his dad.
<tieboy2> At least I'm not a shambling mound of vegetables
<tieboy> I'm high in beta carotene, can you say the same?

Blonde or brunette?

<tieboy2> Oh, which one of us is going on that date tomorrow?
<TheDodge> Neither of you
<TheDodge> You can't date your hand in most states
<tieboy> Clones are awfully sexy, don't you think?
<tieboy2> Well, you are. But I'm biased.
<BabyCon4> a beer, we are at BabyCon5
    *** BabyCon4 is now known as BabyCon5
<tieboy> Wait a sec... is she cute?
<Bryan> Your hand is female?
<TheDodge> *whew* I was getting nervous there
    *** TheDodge is now known as DodgeNES
<tieboy2> Very cute
<tieboy> Blonde or brunette?
<tieboy2> Brunette
<tieboy2> She wants to meet us in OAKLAND, on 38th & San Leandro. Okay? At midnight
    tieboy puts on a little Brut and combs his hair in a nonchalant wave.
<DodgeNES> Holy crap, tie
<tieboy> Hubba hubba, massa! Tie-sa love you!
<DodgeNES> You can't go to Oakland, you're white
    Bryan begins sweeping plaster off the floor, whistling
<tieboy2> Shh! I'm trying to get my clone killed
    Les_Miz eats the plaster
    Bryan shakes head
<Bryan> Dodge, NES?
<DodgeNES> Yeah, I'm playing Bionic Commando
<Bryan> Ooohhhh, cool!
<Bryan> I loved that game. I respected it so much for not having a 'jump' button.
    tieboy checks the map carefully, circling the intersection in red.
<tieboy2> It's a great neighborhood, cloney. Nothing to worry about
<tieboy2> This clone is nothing like me. Combing hair? Wearing Brut? Checking maps?
<tieboy> But we score exactly the same on the straight-acting test.
<zompist> kids so rarely turn out as you want them to.
<Bryan> Yeah, 9. "Extremely Clony"
    tieboy hits Bryan with his purse.
    *** sol-D has joined #spinnwebe
<Bryan> Welcome back sol
<zompist> heya, söl.
<tieboy2> oh, okay. now you're more like me
    sol-D hides under the piano
<sol-d> heya
<Bryan> What piano?
<sol-d> the new one
<Lots42> The one Jesus fixed.
<Bryan> Oh. Duh. Silly me.
<tieboy2> glad i have someone to help me apply all my ointments now
<Bryan> oingments?
<zompist> not if you kill him, you brute.
<Les_Miz> oing...oing...oing
<tieboy> Yeah, not if you kill me, you...
    tieboy thinks about this.
<tieboy2> It's okay, cloney, we um, know karate
<Les_Miz> hi karate!
<zompist> i think you gave him a clue.
    *** Bryan is now known as karate
<karate> Hiya tie
<karate> Hello tie2.
<karate> What's up?
<tieboy> Hai!

We have a table?

    tieboy2 fills out tie's will and leaves all his stuff to himself
<tieboy> Seems reasonable.
    *** karate is now known as Bryan
<tieboy2> someday all this stuff will still be mine...
    tieboy picks tieboy2's wallet while he's leaning over the table.
    *** Bryan is now known as tieboy5
<tieboy2> table? You think we have a table? Wah ha ha
    tieboy5 stumbles back in, half naked, drooling
<tieboy2> Have you even been to our apartment?
    tieboy5 sniffs at tieboy2
<tieboy> Of course not, I was created here in the channel.
<tieboy2> oh. well, we don't have a table.
    sol-D runs over and hides the knives from tieboy5
    Les_Miz hides the spoons too
    tieboy5 sniffs at piano, accidentally pushing down a key, runs away, startled by sudden sound
<zompist> here, guys: <table> <tr> <td> cell 1 <td> cell 2 </tr> <tr> <td> cell 1.1 <td> cell 2.1 </tr> </table>
<zompist> your very own table.
<tieboy2> mine MINE!
<tieboy> Is he always this geeky?
<tieboy2> pretty much
    tieboy5 wanders out again, sucking on thumb
<sol-d> you call that a table? why, in my
    *** tieboy5 has left #spinnwebe
<Les_Miz> did tie die?
<zompist> clones coming in and out of existence! why, the interdimensional warping of the fabric of reality must have been unimaginable!
<tieboy2> clone? I... I'm sorry I tried to get you killed in gang warfare
<tieboy> Aww.
    tieboy gives tieboy2 a big hug.
    Bryan begins playing sappy background music on piano
<tieboy> Ya big lummox, I can't stay mad at you.
<tieboy2> get off me! fag
<Bryan> Ahhh, fit for an episode of full house
<tieboy> I'm straight-acting, dammit.
<Bryan> mmm... olsen twins
<tieboy2> oh, right.
    tieboy2 hugs tieboy
<zompist> this relationship really runs hot and cold.
    *** DodgeNES is now known as BobSagetNES
<BobSagetNES> Hey...I'm still reading this out of the corner of my eye
<zompist> while your wife goes into contractions?
<Bryan> yes?
<tieboy2> We may need clone counseling
<BobSagetNES> That was funny!
    *** Bryan is now known as MaryKateOlsen
<MaryKateOlsen> Daddy!
    MaryKateOlsen runs up to BobSaget
<tieboy> I'm scared of clones.
<BabyCon5> a beer, we are at BabyCon5
<tieboy2> You are a clone, ya silly clone
<tieboy> I know, isn't that the shit?
<BobSagetNES> Haven't you been watching the BabyCon notices
    *** BobSagetNES is now known as DodgeNES
    Les_Miz ties Mary Kate to the piano
<MaryKateOlsen> Autophobia, tie?
    *** MaryKateOlsen is now known as Bryan

<tieboy2> well, our friend Scott is a homophobic homosexual
<Bryan> That's not uncommon
<Les_Miz> he is afraid of himself?
<zompist> sad, though.
<Bryan> Internalized homophobia

Quadruple strikeout

<tieboy2> Sol, will you go on a date with me? My clone can chaperone
<Bryan> She'd have to come out from under the piano
<sol-d> I can't. I'm practicing my ocarina
<Bryan> oohhh, ocarina!
<sol-d> I can almost play happy birthday!
<tieboy2> Oh. Sure. I get it. yeah.
<zompist> man, what a burn.
    sol-D plays a love ballad
<tieboy2> tie, get used to that sort of response
<zompist> "i'm practicing my ocarina ALL SUMMER."
<Bryan> Can you go backwards and forwards in time?
<sol-d> not yet
<sol-d> that takes practice
<Bryan> Or an N64
<tieboy> What, no hot monkey sex?
    Les_Miz sings "Oh Mandy, you came and you gave without taking..."
<tieboy2> They took away my monkey
<Bryan> They took away my sex
<tieboy> Because you spanked it?
<tieboy2> Well, he ran away, really
    DodgeNES sings Oh Margie, you came and you brought me a turkey
<sol-d> Oh margey, you came and you found me a turkey..
    sol-D smacks dodge
<DodgeNES> Whoa, when me and Sol got synchronicity, that's pretty fucked up
<sol-d> what, I'm not someone good to synchronize with?
    sol-D gets all huffy
<tieboy2> why don't we have that kind of symmetry, clone?
<tieboy> Sol, will you date me? My original can chaperone.
<sol-d> Oh, you?
<sol-d> hmmm
<sol-d> Nah.
<tieboy2> whew
<tieboy> That's symmetry.
<tieboy> dammit.
<DodgeNES> Sol, do you really feel comfortable with the thought of achieving oneness with TheDodge?
<sol-d> Not really
<sol-d> it's a scary thing
<DodgeNES> My point exactly, that's why it's fucked up
<DodgeNES> Next thing you know, you're joining the AirForce and preaching to #jesus
<tieboy2> tieboy, will you go out with me? Sol can chaperone
    tieboy chuckles.
<Les_Miz> those two are fit to be tied.
    Bryan begins tying up tieboy 'n clone
<tieboy> Man, tieboy2, you're funny AND almost as cute as me. (sigh)
<Les_Miz> Now they are Siamese twins...joined at the pelvis.
<tieboy2> if only one of us had breasts
<Bryan> How did we get started on this?
    tieboy smokes some weed.
<tieboy2> don't bogie that man, it's half our paycheck
    tieboy passes the roach to tie2.
    Les_Miz sings Pass the doobie on the left hand side...
    zompist is trying to decide if this is more or less fucked up than being john malkovich.
<Bryan> Okay, it's been a fun evening of cloning, plaster, and Kafkaesque theology. Time to turn in.
<Bryan> Have a good night all
<zompist> what are you turning in?
    *** Bryan has left #spinnwebe
<zompist> why the hell does a clone have ops?
<zompist> not that i'm prejudiced.
    *** zompist sets mode: -o tieboy2
    *** MrLuke sets mode: +o tieboy2
<zompist> whoa!
<tieboy> Ha ha!
<tieboy2> ha ha!
    *** tieboy2 sets mode: -o zompist
    *** MrLuke sets mode: +o zompist
<zompist> luke is now the enforcer of the status quo.
<zompist> mrluke, can you feel the force?

Is it wrong to slip your clone tongue?

<tieboy2> is it wrong to shower with your clone?
<sol-d> No
<sol-d> Is it wrong to slip your clone tongue?
    tieboy2 showers with Sol's clone
<zompist> even after midnight?
<Les_Miz> just don't pick up the soap
<tieboy2> soap?
    *** sol-D is now known as sol-D2
<sol-d2> Yes, darling
<zompist> hey, i know your brother artie!
<Les_Miz> heh
<sol-d2> hehe
<tieboy2> sol-d2, will you double date with me, tieboy and sol-D? I'm sure we could find a clone to chaperone.
<sol-d2> I don't think sol would like that
<sol-d2> besides, I have to practice my mandolin
<tieboy> Sol-d, will you double date with me, tieboy2, and sol-d2?
<tieboy2> Man, we are batting zero tonight
<Les_Miz> don't take no for an answer
    Les_Miz hands tieboy2 a rufie
<zompist> why, that verges on harrassment, les!
<zompist> what's the matter with old-fashioned plying-with-double-scotches?
    tieboy2 swallows the rufie, passes out
<Les_Miz> were supposed to give it to sold-D2!
    tieboy has his way with tieboy2 while he's passed out
    *** DodgeNES is now known as BionicDodgeCommando
<sol-d2> Oh no, she's coming!
    sol-D2 hides
    *** sol-D2 is now known as sol-D
<Les_Miz> she's faking it...
    tieboy2 awakens, feeling violated but very satisfied
    tieboy does
<tieboy> a
<tieboy> lot
<tieboy> of
<tieboy> this
<tieboy> so
<tieboy> that
<tieboy> tie2
<tieboy> can't
<tieboy> read
<tieboy> the
<tieboy> scrollback
<tieboy2> too late, slowclone
<tieboy> You were, allow me to say.... fa-bu-lous.
    *** sol-D2 has joined #spinnwebe
<sol-d2> Ah HA
<sol-d> My clone! we meet at last!
<sol-d> shouldn't you be practising your mandolin?
<sol-d2> Uhm, yeah, I'm right on that. really
    zompist is hoping to hear the mandolin/ocarina concert soonest.
    sol-D blushes
<Les_Miz> Hmmm...mandolin and ocarina...would that be a Macarena?
<sol-d> we're not that good
<tieboy> So, whaddya say about that double-date proposal?
<tieboy> We'll come by bright and early with the Miata.
<sol-d> No thanks. You're an icky boy
    sol-D scrunches her face in disgust
<tieboy> Double zero, bro.
<sol-d2> I don't know. It seems like a good idea
<tieboy2> well, maybe you shouldn't have raped me in front of her.
<tieboy2> Might have hurt our chances
<tieboy> Shush, dude!
<tieboy> besides, you said it was OK.
    sol-D drags her clone under the piano
    zompist averts his eyes discreetly.
<sol-d2> help mfff!ttttoppppp!
    *** sol-D2 has quit IRC (HELP!)
<tieboy2> I can't believe you killed your clone in front of my clone
<tieboy2> He'll be hours getting to sleep tonight
<tieboy> I'm shocked... more so, really.
<sol-d> she deserved it. the tramp
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