Posted by Mark Rosenfelder on 00:49 11/28/01
In reply to: Celmetát esë posted by John Minot on 10:16 11/23/01
Very impressive! I have to admit that I had to read it using the dictionary. (I know bits of the original poem, but not the whole thing!) I'd like to add it to the Verdurian Texts document, if you don't mind. And perhaps Phillip's anthems, too.
There are a few errors; one consistent one is that you seem to use the gerund (e.g. brisäm 'to be broken') in place of the past participle (brisul 'broken'). You tend to make up a few nominalizations :) instead of using the ones from the dictionary (e.g. 'answer' should be advechel). And, amusingly, you took iosu 'Alas' as beginning with an L rather than an I, so poor Eliot is crying out "Moose!"
I don't have a good ear for poetry, so I can't really comment on your Verdurian poetics. :) I liked the phonetic distortion in the "Mistah Kurtz" line, though.